How NOT to find an ally
I had a heartbreaking experience recently. I met an extraordinary man, whom I thought would become both a friend and an ally. Then he was neither.
Allies are extremely important to building a Celebration Society. Each of us humans has notable strengths and notable weaknesses. (I am well aware of my limited strengths and many weaknesses.) I am convinced that we must build a large tapestry of people with mutually supportive strengths. Where I am weak, you are strong, and so on. It need not be mutual, but it must over time become complete.
In order for it to work, the various allies must start out with a clear understanding of their own strengths and weaknesses, or they must be eager to learn and open to help in doing so.
When I became introduced to this man, he impressed me with his great intelligence and deep knowledge of certain subjects about which I know little. He also SEEMED willing to acknowledge his own limitations, a crucial quality for brilliant people to have, as I have learned the hard way.
In our first lengthy conversation, he proceeded to lecture me at great length. Though I am not usually receptive to involuntary lectures, I accepted this because of his potential and because he actually did have some significant things to say. And he was exhausted, not having slept for several days. So, I made allowances.
The he asked me for money. Not once but multiple times. This, despite my clear statement that I would not do this. Later, when I pointed this fact out to him, he rationalized that he hadn’t asked me for money.
He presented me with his “great” business idea that, indeed, does have vast promise. However, he moved from his considerable technical expertise into assuming that he knows all sorts of things about other people which, based on my experience, are false. He considers most people “idiots”. When I tried to suggest other ways he might view others’ actions more profitably, he would not hear of it.
He took very little interest in me as a person (forgivable) or in a Celebration Society (not forgivable).
To be clear, alliance of the kind we need is founded on SHARED VALUES AND VISION. Each of us is eager to know the other’s, and to see how we may empower each other. It is a process of getting acquainted on a basis of mutual respect. It is never hectoring nor is it demanding.
Earlier on the day of this writing, he sent me a “revised” PowerPoint presentation of his great idea. I put revised in quotes because, despite my previously having offered substantive criticism based on years in startups and investments, little was changed.
Hours later, not having heard from me, he sent me this email message: “What are you doing? Why are you not working? (The subject: Work Ethic).
This is the antithesis of enrollment. He may have the next Facebook (I hope he does!), but it will go nowhere without an understanding of enrollment. I hope he gets one soon.